23 Weeks

Well... 16 weeks left! I think LJ and I have decided that Sept 15th is the "big day"...that way he can be here... and I like things on a nice solid number. 15 is right in the middle, so I think that's good. I just have to make sure my doctor thinks its ok. I dont see why not. Because according to MY calculation, I'm due the 20th anyway, and that first bitchy US tech said it would be the 20th too.

Anyway, last night I was in a wedding. It turned out beautifully. I cant believe I cried though.. pregnancy really makes you a wuss.

I think LJ is going to come down here Wednesday, and we're going to do some more baby stuff, and check out the hospital and stuff.

Oh.. ha. We met up last week to discuss everything, and it went pretty well. Some tears, some yelling, but overall, we kinda set things up. Kinda. The baby wouldn't kick for him, but the next morning, we went to get bagels and he kicked a little. I'm hoping when we meet on Wednesday, he'll kick for LJ again. We'll see.

The baby kicks so much, its not even funny. I love it so much!

22 weeks

So-- today was my normal appointment just to do the weigh in, check my blood for Downs and everything else that's super scary, and hear the heart beat.

Everything was absolutely perfect. The baby's heart beat is so so SO strong, that my doctor joked that he was showing off.. I recorded it on my phone, and was able to play it in iTunes, but I can't figure out how to put it on here, so I'm kinda sad about that... but oh well. I went to my aunts work, then my mom's house, and they were both finally able to FEEL the baby kick! He's super active today, and I'm so glad they were able to experience that with me. :)

I've gained 10lbs so far. Seems like a lot, but most people, apparently, have gained 14 by now, so I'm still under, even though the baby is a chunker. So, since he's healthy and growing perfectly, there's no need to worry. I really didn't get yelled at this time! Yay! I just feel HUGE these days. Like, unattractively huge, so I can't imagine what I'll look like at 32 weeks. sheesh.

I talked to my doctor about being induced so LJ could be there for it all, obviously I didn't tell her WHY- but she said it was fine. I just told her with the Army, we didn't really know what was up with his schedule, and if I could give him a fo sho date, it would be helpful. So now all I have to do it pick a day. I would like the 8th, but that's too soon for him to come I think, so I might pick the 15th or 18th. Not sure yet. How cool is THAT though? I get to pick my kids bday!? I better make it a good one. 18th would be cool, because it would be his "wish year" but I don't even know if boys do that. I have so much to learn!

Baby Shower

So, this last Saturday, my family threw me a baby shower. It was amazing! My mom had set up about million different snacks (which was enough to feed the entire city), and games, and the thank you bags and LJs mom brought a cake (made by the pastry chef at the country club she works at), a watermelon stroller (made by her husband), and they both got a ton of cute little onesies that they hung on clothes lines....

Everyone was so generous with their gifts, that I was literally overwhelmed! So much stuff for one tiny baby... seems absolutely insane, but it was fun. My favorite game? the poop game. :)
People had to look at melted candy bars in diapers and decide what candy it was.. but seriously.... it looked like shit. I loved watching people play that game. :)

ironry..

Hm... funny how people claim to be "godly women" and yet they're huge bitchy fucks.
Don't lie.
That is all.

Don't focus on who left.....think about who's left.

I'm having a very hard time dealing with everything today... not sure why. I think not working is a baaaad thing. I got off really early today, which is amazing, but at the same time, I don't know how to fill my afternoons.
I got to thinking about how I basically had everything set, and now I don't even know what tomorrow is going to hold. I used to know exactly how to set up the nursery, the living room and everything according to the baby, and what would work best.. and now I don't even know where I'm going to live, so it's really stressful. I'm not so sad about losing LJ anymore... rather the IDEA of him. I like the idea of having a husband, obviously.. I mean, I am having his child. But whatever. That's that I guess


I have a new pet peeve that's really a serious one. Not only do I hate people baby talking to my belly ( i swear to god, if ANYONE does baby talk after he's born, it will ensure that that person will never be able to talk to my child again...you've all been warned)- but seriously? He isn't born yet. DO NOT CALL HIM BY HIS NAME.


It makes me crazy when people ask, "how's Nic doing?"

i regret even telling anyone my choice in his name.

I plan on singing/signing this to my baby :)

21

So, this was taken on my bday-- I really love this dress. It's the most comfortable thing to wear EVER. so, there's that for 21 weeks. :]



LJ and I had a HUGE fight today about ....MONEY!! shocker. I know I bring it up a lot, but gosh- that's all I'm going to get for the "help" from him.
Other new moms have the dad THERE helping, but nope- not me.

So really? He can shove it. I'm not asking for a lot.. just enough for the baby to have stuff. I mean, I obviously have to work now, so he has to pay for daycare, and other necessary things, and I just don't think he gets that. If he could just see how hard its going to be for me, he might, but he can't pull his head out of his ass long enough to see what I'm going through. For him, it's always about money. His entire life revolves around it, so now that I'm asking for financial help, before the child support is mandated, he's basically, for lack of a better term, shitting bricks.

He told me this ( and I quote ): I'd rather not be in his life, than to be in his life with you. You're a money grubbing bitch.


And how kind of him to tell me that while I was at work! Man oh man -- I got myself a winner.
I really have no feelings toward him anymore, other that hate...which sucks. I never wanted to hate him, but he's really become someone I don't know anymore. I use to think the world of him...now? not so much.
But, as my bestie said, I have the only good part of him, and I'll be the only one that is able to experience all Nic's firsts, not him. So, while this isn't a game, I will throw my little "i win!" in there, because while I lost a husband...I gained so much more than he will ever be able to know.

His life isn't changing at all.
Less money maybe...
But he'll be able to sleep through the night.
He'll be able to go to dinner on a whim, date people with out a disclaimer, travel, work with out worrying about getting to the daycare on time.
he won't be judged for being a single mother.
People will just say "oh that's too bad that it couldn't work out"
but for me?

I hear "oh my gosh, that's awful I'm so sorry"
"how are you going to afford to do it"
"who is going to help you"

I'm not complaining at all about my baby. I love him to death.

I just wish life was a bit more fair.
I wish he still wanted to be in our lives.

Birthday!

I was thinking this birthday would be uneventful. Wrong.


At work, my co-worker Becky made me the most delicious cupcakes I think I've ever had. Seriously. Not just, "I'm pregnant and I like food" kind of delicious. Like, honest to God, the best ever. They were brownie cheesecake raspberry cupcakes. Simply amazing.



After work, I decided to shop for some maternity pants, and some baby related items. What could be better than shopping for your birthday? Nothing, thats what! I got a ton of stuff too.. and a boppy with dinosaurs on it!!! But the most amazing purchase that day? An adorable dino outfit for the baby.
How cute is that!!!???!!! I had to get it, simply because a friend of mine calls me pregosaurus.

Then... I went to a very late dinner at Sweet Tomatoes with my family, which again, was delicious. But really? Can you go wrong making your OWN salad? No. You can not. I am like, the salad master there too, because every bite is equally delicious. In fact, I want a salad right now. Only from there. I think they might have crack in their ranch dressing though, because I rarely like any other ranch.

Then, the hilarity started. George picked me up around 10 to go to this concert... I've never heard of this group playing, but I figured-what the heck. I cant go to a bar, rock climbing or anything else fun... so I'll go. All the boys were going to be there, and I haven't really seen anyone but Porge and Chris, so I thought it would be a blast. And I was right.


We get down town, and everything is wonderful. Minus all the drunk people and smoke, but I could deal with it, we were, after all, outside. Everything was very fun. Until this BP and his little friend sit with us, and made it awkward, then a blind lady sat behind him, who decided to yell at George for something, and blah blah blah.
While there, an ex gf of Matt's showed up. Got totally TOTALLY drunk, and got kicked out of the dang bar.. mind you- she's older than me, so she really should know better. Stupid skank. She puked all over Mike's car, and it was quite nasty--or so I hear. I've never actually had anyone vomit in my car, but I can only imagine the horror- since I'm emitophobic and such.

While Mike was getting vomited on- George, Chris, Grant and I went to Chris' house and played a little thing called Rock Band, for old times sake. :)

All in all, very good birthday. :)

no! not SARS!!!

So, Big Red is in the hospital. Kinda scary. I mean, she's about as old as God now.(putting her in at 87 years old).

I was able to get to the hospital -- but I had to wear a sars mask [per my father's orders]. I thought I looked really snazzy!
Grandma was in good spirits though.. she let Cheryl put some make up on her, and even do her hair :)

Her oxygen isn't where they'd like it to be, and with breathing treatments it's improving, but we're all still pretty nervous. She has pneumonia, so hopefully the antibiotics will pull her out of it, but who really knows. What I do know, is that she looks pretty good for going through all that. She's not one to give up easily though.. she had a brain aneurysm like, 14 years ago or something, and they said she wouldn't make it, but look at her... still alive and kickin'!


I think she'll pull out of this one just fine.


In baby related news, my hip is freggin killing me, and apparently its from the baby. I just dont know how that is possible, but what do I know? I mean, he's tiny still! You wouldn't guess it by looking at me though. I almost died when I saw the pictures from Mother's day.. I look like a damn whale. :(
LJ news? he said he wants a DNA test. I was kinda offended, but then he said it was for tricare... but still. I mean, we all know it's his, yes? Look at the dang legs!

So, I looked it up on line -thank you Google- and the only reason it's mandatory, is if we weren't married, or if he refused to sign the birth certificate... so, I guess we'll see on that one. I was just really sad he even brought it up. :/

hahahahahahaha

HhahaahahahaahhahahaHAHAHAHAhaahahahahaHAHhahahahahahahaha

hmmm......

So.... I love picture frames. A lot. My Mother in law got me a cute little one that holds the sonogram and it is adorable. And I got the grandmas-to-be this little frame, which is adorable only because the baby picture is freggin awesome :)

I looked up single parent play groups here in Tucson, and there are a TON! I'm kinda excited for that. I know I have a while before he can play really, but I can't wait to have that happen. I think it will be good for me too, because then maybe I'd stop feeling sorry for myself. Doubtful. [I love self loathing]

LJ told me just now he hates the name Giovanni... So, what do I do? I love it, and I think it sounds great.. but if he hates it... do I do it anyway? Or do I settle for a name I don't love? I suppose Nicolas Joseph is ok, and we both thought that was nice... but Giovanni just has more umph--ya know?

What to do, what to do.....

I never bake... but I thought I'd try!

So, after many many MANY attempts to bake something that was beautiful, I decided to try cheese cake brownies. I have no idea how they taste, because I refuse to eat warm cheese cake, but they smell amazing, and look pretty darn good, if I must say so myself!

I kinda cheated though, I used boxed brownie mix, but the way I see it? baby steps :)
Speaking of baby, that's the reason I decided to try and bake. I figure every mom needs a signature dish for her kid, so on this pregnancy journey, I'm going to try to bake different desserts and see what's best! LJ used to like when I made brownies with peanut butter drizzle (store bought mix of course) but I hate those.. hopefully my little monster will feel the same. :) For example- my mother makes home made cinnamon buns every Christmas morning... my Great Grandma made S cookies... I want something that amazing to stick to a tradition too!

The brownies were SUPER easy too!
Regular boxed brownie mix in one bowl, 8ox of cream cheese, 1/4 cup of sugar, 1 egg and vanilla to taste in another, a voila! Then you just fill the muffin tin 1/2 with brownie mix, a little cheese cake mix, and take a tooth pick and make swirls. I mean, come on-- if I can do it? Must be pretty dang easy. :)

So, here are some pictures of the brownies that I tried to make!



And, this was what I ate while I was waiting for the brownies to bake.. haha


(by far my best purchase of the day!)

20 weeks

I'm feeling huge!! I was just looking at pictures of my friends when they were 20 weeks, and other girls on my pregnancy forums, and I look like I'm freggin having twins!

This little boy is killin me. :)

it's a BOY!!!!!

So... I have a little boy!!! I'm so excited. He was so good about letting us see him. I saw it before the tech actually said anything about it, because he is NOT shy apparently. :)
.I'm so glad everything checked out ok with him. I mean, I knew it was a boy, so that wasn't much of a surprise.. but to know he is right on schedule and he's growing perfectly is great.He's fat though. He's supposed to be measuring at about 8oz.... and he's a chunker, weighing in at 13oz. So, take that everyone who said I need to gain more weight.

He was a wiggly mess again, and showed us he had all his fingers, and that he can move his little feet perfectly.. not that I didn't know that with all the kicking.. hah.
But he's just perfect. I think he might have my nose, and LJ's mouth. That's the only thing I wanted him to have of LJ's.. his lips. That man has some nice lips. So..I'm hoping our son will have that. HOW WEIRD IS THAT!?! our son... man, that's going to take some getting used to. hah..

My mom, nona, and MiL came. It was pretty good. I mean... a little strange but like I've said a million times, normalcy really isn't my style.

We all went out to breakfast and then shopping when everything was done at the hospital, and we got some really cute boy stuff. Its really not fair that little girl stuff is so so SO much cuter, but whatever. This kid is going to have the most hilarious shirts ever. Because really? Who likes boring babies. NO ONE. that's who.


I'm just so happy! I'm thinking it's going to be Nicolas Giovianni. I think that sounds perfect. And then, earle to even it out... hah. He will also have my last name in there so there's that. And when he's old enough, he can decide which name to pick. I just think he deserves that option.... I mean, I'd like both in there, but I'm just imagining when he gets married and the girl is strong willed like me and unwilling to drop her name.. so she'll have an insanely long last name.. hah.. or maybe I'll just make it part of the middle name?!
I have no idea. I have 20 more weeks to decide this.

:)

Tomorrow's the Big Day!

I'm getting really anxious for tomorrow. I can't wait to see the baby, and see what their sex is. I really thought it was a girl before.... now I'm not sure. I think now that I'm doing this alone, it might be better to have a boy.... but I don't really know.
[side note...]This morning, I was listening to Less Than Jake, and Reel Big Fish.... the baby LOVES Ska! Loves it. Either that, or it;s kicking me to turn that crap off... but I prefer to think it's dancing in there. It was cracking me up. I'd turn it off for a second or two, and it would stop moving, and then as soon as I turned the music back on, they were wiggling again.

so....

My Mom, Nona and MiL are going to be coming to the US. Everyone is thinking it's pretty weird that I'm having her come... but I mean, its not her fault her son is a DB. She is still the grandma -- and she's really excited about this....I wish her son were as excited. Seriously, he's just... not himself anymore. He's changed, and I think that for the sake of my sanity, and the baby, the divorce is the best option. It just sucks that he wasn't willing to have it work.

I'm becoming more and more concerned about where I'm going to live, what to do with my car, and where to work. I mean, those are obvious concerns, but everyone keeps saying "it will all work out" or "take it one day at a time".....I want to f-ing slap those people. Yeah, it will work out. Yeah, obviously I HAVE to take it one day at a time. its not like I have a choice on that---idiots---


I just want a job to fall into my lap. hah... I have a meeting with my boss on May 18th, and I'm hoping because the students like me, I'll be hired back... I doubt it though. I would even do the whole "maternity leave with out pay" idea for a little bit. I can handle that. But I want this job back. I never thought I would, but I do. Rather, I need it, and I enjoy the students here, so it works for me.

That condo idea was terrible! It was a one bedroom, and I can't deal with that. Ideally, I want an apt or condo or anything really, with 2 bedrooms. If not I can work with it, but it has to be a biiiiiiig bed room. I have a lot of junk, so will the baby. But, the condo I was looking at was furnished, and it was UGLY. So I'd have to pay rent there, plus storage. DUMB. So now, I am looking at a little apt 2 bed 2 bath, but no washer/dryer. And.... I need that. So... help!

19 weeks!