Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together

well....

So, I'm thinking I'm going to get a condo. I hope anyway. I think living in the baker street house is out of the question, but I'd like that option best... anyway.
If I can just get a little condo that can house me, daizy and the baby I'd be a happy camper. I'm going to have to do things I'm kinda against though, and I'm not really happy about that-- but I have to do what I need to do to take care of us now.

I wish Monica were staying here. That would make my life a bit happier. Seriously



My mother and Sister took me to a BTO kinda place. it was delicious! I've been craving froyo for a long time, and I finally know where to go. :)

I got a lovely surprise text today from an old friend, and I'm excited to go have lunch or something with him on Sunday. I need some friend time now a days... and this is perfect.

I'm really trying to stay positive throughout this whole thing. LJ is not ..idk. I don't want to say he's a bad person, but he's seriously fucked up. And that's that. I can't change it, but I can change the way my attitude is towards this all, because he's not worth crying over anymore. he's emotionally unstable right now, and that's the last thing I need in my life...

So. I'm going to buck up, and make the best out of what life has given me. I'm going to try and be a sub interpreter, still work for ann, and hope to God that someone knows of someone who needs me to do sit down jobs until I pop, then will let me come back after like, 2 months or 3 months just part time.

uuuuugh this is sooo stressful, and I really didn't need to add more stress to my already crazy life.

I just need to find a place to live soon. preferably close to my family, 2 bedrooms and a small area for my pup to poop.

18 weeks

damn.

I'm tired of people saying "oh you're better off with out him"... I mean.. no. Not really. I mean I probably am, since he's been a HUGE ass to me lately.. but the baby isn't.. so this all just kinda is lame.

Its going to be fun when the kid says "mommy? where is daddy?" and I say "oh sorry baby, he didn't like mommy calling him more than once a day, so he abandoned us.. but don't worry! he says he's going to get to know you one day!!"

I'm just hoping he somehow mans up and becomes more of a father than everyone (myself included) assumes he will be. I mean... I had no doubt before. Now..? who knows. Its not like he had the best example on what a good father looks like.


On a side note, I just got the grandmas and 2 of the great grandmas their mother's day presents, and I'm pretty pleased with myself :)
And I got the most adorable pillow for the nursery.




that's all I guess... if you're in the praying mood? Do it, and do it hard please. :)

it was fun while it lasted

So... it didn't work out after all... This just got a hell of a lot more complicated.
I just feel bad for the baby... and obviously for me, because I'm totally not ok with this happening, but... my poor baby. And? Andrew is NOT an option for the name anymore. Thank God for that.

It's really no suprise that LJ and I don't have the best relationship ever..it's really hard to have a "normal" relationship when I'm in AZ, he's in KY and I'm pregnant.... So all we really have is the phone. No biggie right? Apparently so. This is really hard for me, and I'm constantly worring about like... the house, and if his room mate and the slut are going to hvae everything ready, and I'm really stressed about that. I'm also stressed for obvious reasons. I mean, LJ and I were really close to divorce status, then we diceded to try to make it work, and then SHBAM- I have this amazing baby inside of me. I wouldn't trade it for the world... Seriously.

But lately I've been hesitant to move back, because LJ just... I dont know. He seems to not like me... and we have this on going "joke" if you will... we dislike everything the other stands for. I'm stressed 24/7 a clean freak who like, never sleeps.
He is the exact opposite.
I like talking, he hates it. I like being around my family, he'd rather be alone...

Stuff like that. And before, it was like.... it was ok. But lately, we argue about everything -- and more and more it's about being the phone. THE PHONE! I mean, I think we SHOULD be on the phone quite often, ebcause that's all we freggin have...right? Yeah, I'm right about this one.

SO we had a lengthy chat about it all last night.... nothing is solved because he's in Michigan.. so... I guess we'll see next week huh?


....wish me luck....

yesssssssssssssssssssssssssssss

Ultra Sound On May 7th!!!!!!!! I'm so freggin excited! I think my entire family is coming. hahaha yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Doctor's visit...

So, just got back from my doctor... I've only gained 5lbs, normally, people at 17 weeks have gained 10 apparently, but everything is PERFECT. The baby's heart beat was very strong ( she let me listen to it for like, a minute, so now I shall bake a cake for her... I should learn to bake first....) and the baby kicked while she was listening, so I could hear that... it was like a little pop and she started cracking up... I thought it was like, a gas bubble or something popping, so I said sorry, and she said oh no no no-- your little one is an active little thing. FACT- this baby is a ninja-FACT.

Other than that, I was very very disappointed to learn I can not get the Ultra Sound until May 7th-ish because they won't be able to see anything until the 20 week mark, and TriCare won't let me do 2.... and I thought about doing the 3-D one, but I want to wait to do that until its cooked a little longer, and actually looks like a baby. So, I talked to my MiL about it, and she's going to go ahead and use the first US picture and put that on the invitation, and then on the 7th, I'll go buy some pink or blue paper and send that out..maybe. I don't know. I'm so upset about it, and the timing of the baby shower. Oh well.....

All I know is Baby Earle is healthy and active, and I really can't ask for much more. They didn't do any testing for Downs or anything, because I didn't want to take more than one day off work for everything, so I'll jsut do those tests on May 7th if possible too. All in all, good visit, minus being yelled at for not eating enough. I DO eat enough, just not enough to make me a whale.

The (current) Love of My Life

....is not my husband. No, it is celery. I can not get enough of it.. I'm constantly eating it, and I don't know why. There is NOTHING in it that I need. And I kinda feel bad eating so much of it, because it's filling me up-but doing nothing for this baby that has taken over my body... but I don't care. I love celery.


I also love my husband, because he finally told AHRM ( ass hat room mate) and SWPITW ( skankzilla worst persson in the world ) to get the house fixed by the end of this week or that stupid slut is on her ass. Yay for that! She is so freggin lazy, and the one time LJ actually asked her to be lazy, she decided to get all dressed up for the UPS guy (after all, she is a SKANK) and didn't hear the door bell, because she was drying her hair. Yay for my husband though, because he told her to get the f out of the house, and blah blah blah... my heart swoons for him when he does that kind of stuff. hahaha.... seriously though? I'm glad he finally said something, because I've been getting really nervous about the house not being ready.. I just wish he'd actually get the ball rolling on painting our room, because I don't want to sleep in fumes.

In other news...I've gained a total of 4lbs, and today is my dr appt, so we'll see if I'm in trouble or not. She better not yell. I don't want to get all fat and gross this early. Also-- any one know of any good lotions (BESIDES COCOA BUTTER BECAUSE I KNOW THAT DOESN'T WORK) that prevent stretch marks? I really don't want to deal with those bad boys. I mean, I know I'm bound to have SOME but.... I just don't want to look like a tiger.

17 weeks!

Well, today I'm 17 weeks :) Nothing much has changed really... I feel the baby moving more often, and it's very exciting! I am feeling overwhelmed with stress about everything lately though. The move, the relationship LJ and I will have once I actually do move, the house, and getting it ready, because sluts ruin things, and just... everything. Work has been really stressful for me lately. Not because of the students or anything.. and really, there's only like...24 days left but I just want it to be over NOW.

I got to go out with the girls last night. It was crazy. It was Sara, Monica and Spi. With Monica it's been constant. I talk to her often, and see her more often than anyone else, but I havent seen Spi or Sara in years and years..not one thing has changed. :) We went to skybox, which was kinda lame. I felt really bad, because the last time I was there it was nice! But, the high light of my night? Seeing Omally's guy. There is a band called "80s and Gentlemen" who are pretty decent, but this creepy old guy goes to every single show and dances and looks like crap. I love it. Freggin HILLARIOUS. Although, I got made fun of for drinking orange soda, it was a good night.

I really miss LJ lately. I mean, I always miss him, but lately this sucks. 40 more days or so though---that's not too bad.

Does this outfit make me look pregnant?

So-I got a pair of capri brown pants, and a really cute skirt. it's black and white ( of course ) and I'm thinking it might be too crazy printed for work, but I'll find out tomorrow, because I'm going to wear it. ha... I think with a solid color shirt I'll be fine. But I was really lucky to even find it, because even the smalls at the stores are too big for me in the butt area, so jean skirts are out, so are the cargo ones, which sucks, but ooooh well! I can still wear my stretchy jeans (pictured) but they're not as comfortable as they were last week. With that being said... I can't believe I'm already freggin 16 weeks! Time is really going by fast... I am loving this trimester.

I took my sister to get her prom dress this morning, and next door was a Babies-R-Us, so I finished up the registration thing there so that was cool, but..... I, am very upset. I got a little thing to listen to the baby's heart beat, and it had an adapter that I can record it on the computer, so I could email it to the grandma's and LJ and... it doesn't work. I'm very sad by this, because it seems like the COOLEST THING EVER, but it's just a liar. :( Maybe I can record it some how at my dr appt - even though I'm really nervous for that one... it's the Downs test appt, along with all the other tests, and if they yell at me this time, I'm going to be mad, because I've gained 4.6lbs now.

I'm really getting anxious to find the sex --- I really just NEED to know NOW!
Other than that inconvenience... everything is going well. The only thing that is not comfortable is my nose. I'm really stuffy! Oh, and I guess my feet... wihch is weird since I haven't really gained much weight, but I think it's just me being dumb and wearing the wrong shoes all the dang time.

Well, I somehow doubt our baby will really look like this......

But it was fun playing around. I used a website (www.morphthing.com)to make this.... and really? blond? I guess LJ was kinda blond, but... I just doubt my dark hair will be the recessive trait (Yay for interpreting Biology!.
Now I'm even more anxious to meet this baby.

woohoo!

After dragging Monica to 2 different maternity stores now, I finally found the perfect dress :) I'm returning the ugly one I got at mother hood on Saturday...
But, I LOVE this dress! I went in a pea in a pod like, 6 weeks into the pregnancy, and loved that dress....hate the price but whatever. I LOVE IT

And, I found a new item from Tiffany&co, and it is PERFECT because it's a heart and key. :) And I tried on the ring I wanted (.....um... LJ in case you read this, it was size 7.5)and I love it. So, yay for that!

All in all, today was lame at work, but since I got there at freggin 6:50am 2 days this week, I was able to leave at 3 today, and I'll leave at 3 tomorrow, and it is amazing. I really hate being there that early though, because it is dead, and the first day I was there that early, I locked myself out of the dang teachers lounge, so I couldn't get into the office, and basically, I was screwed until I begged another teacher to let me in the lounge. And of course, that was a day when my coworkers weren't there right at 7 ha...go figure right? Oh well. This week has gone be soooo slow and I'm quite pleased that tomorrow is Friday. :)

I feel amazing these days... I still get a bit light headed, but other than that, I feel great. Certain foods still turn me off, but I mean.... that's fine. Also? I think I've gained a total of 4lbs now, so I guess that's good, even though I feel like a freggin blimp!

I knew he could...

I'm so SO SOoOoOoOoO proud of LJ! He passed the board! I knew he could do it... I can't even describe how happy I am for him. :) yaaaaaay! I was so excited I was jumping around like an idiot when he texted me this morning.... I'm so happy for him!


In other news, Jill and I finally went to Taka and it was amazing. I read the other day that artificial sweeteners isn't harmful to the baby... so I had some ice tea with sweet n low... it was SO freggin good... and I had sushi, but nothing crazy. Just spicy crab, and it's not REAL crab, so I'm safe. But now my stomach is hurting a little bit. I think it's just because I'm not used to sweet n low anymore. my goodness though..... it was worth it. So, I think I'm going to try another natural sweetener, because the stevia was gross. There's another one that's from the stevia plant, called truvia I think.... but it's pretty good -- that way I can make decaf tea with that sweetener and not feel guilty. I'm excited to go to the grocery store on Thursday. I'd love to go tomorrow, however, I have a work meeting, that I'd rather get bamboo rods shot under my nails than attend, because it's all BS. I'm not even going to be at that school next year, so if crap is brought up about me, I'm going to simply ignore it. Also? I would like to leave by 5, since my family is going to Nona's at 6 and quite frankly, I don't know how often I'll see her once I move back, and I'd like to spend as much time with her as I can...

Anyway, I haven't felt the baby move in a few days, and that always worries me, but I think I'm lucky, because in all the pregnancy forums I'm on, say most women with their first pregnancy can't feel anything until the 22nd week, but.... I never said I was normal :)

15 weeks

So yesterday I was 15 weeks. Here's this morning's belly shot :) And then there's Daizy patiently waiting for Jazmine to come out of the bathroom so she can eat her.

Make up

So.... I'm looking.. well, lurking, people that post their hospital photos on line, like, right after the birth of their little babies. It's so freaking adorable. But, I have to say this..... I'm goin in with make up on. And, I'm aware that pregnant women are tired and hot and blah blah blah... I know. I'm pregnant too. I also know that it takes me 5 minutes to put on some make up, and you can bet your bottom dollar that I will have at least eye liner and mascara, and cute toenail polish on when my baby sees me for the first time, and LJ will be wearing a Michigan shirt. We need to show the baby what's up. Start them young--that's my motto. Plus, those pictures are around for people to see..... I'm too vain to look like I don't have eyes. And yeah, whatever. I'm sure everyone has weird quirks. This is just one of mine. So shut it.

I'm really hoping I don't poo during the delivery. Then the make up would just be pointless. The rest of this kids life, it's gonna be like " mom, you suck. You pooed on my head."

I'm huge today. Should I be working while at work? Yes. Did I get here 2 hours before the student I interpret for has class? Yes. Did I go into the teacher's lounge and wait until no one was in the women's restroom so I could take this picture to prove how huge I am? You bet.


So, last night, the best friend calls, and says it's coffee time. I was in bed, and it was only 8pm. So... while we were deciding where and when, this rude little baby inside of me, kicked me, and it freaked me out. I had no idea what was going on until I realized "oh, hey, I'm pregnant, and this baby is kicking"
It was more than the flutters I've been feeling, it was a stong movement. I'd like to say it was a punch more than a kick, because I'm pretty sure there's no karate happening inside of me, and the baby's bound to come out punching people, because that's all I ever talk about doing. I may or may not have told the baby to punch LJ. So, it may or may not be practing. I can't really say. :)

I'm so glad it's Friday! Hopefully, either this evening, or tomorrow, me and Monica are going to the mall. She needs an Easter dress, I need a pair of freggin pants that fit me, the sonogram frame that says "love at first sight" and then, there was this adorable journal I'm going to have to get at this boutique that just opened so I can write about LJ and I for the baby to read when it's older.

aaaagh

It's kinda getting uncomfortable to lay on my tummy. :/ No me gusta.
But, I think this baby has been moving. It's kinda hard to tell since it's soooo tiny still. :) But I'm feeling HUGE these days. Like, fat, not just pregnant, and I know I'm not, but I feel like I look like a fat fat fatty fat.
Other than that, no new news. I just can't wait to find out the sex, because I want to start buying shoes if it's a girl :)